Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
