I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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