i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im about as happy as oj after his trial
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
