No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
