Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i now understand why vodka
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
