Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
