we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
