And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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