You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
