Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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