before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
