He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
