i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
