I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize