I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
