I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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