who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
