I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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