i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
