Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize