Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
