I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
