Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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