why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
