Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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