Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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