Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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