If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i think my cat just said my name.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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