There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
