I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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