remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
