You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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