Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
