Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
