I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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