i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
