we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
