david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
