You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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