i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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