now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
