I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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