the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
