I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
