Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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