Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
