Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
