Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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