Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
