end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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