They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
