I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
