How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
