Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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