I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
