remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
