Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
