So drunk its hurt
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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