fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
