so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
