I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
