Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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