My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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