Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize