Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
