Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize