At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
