hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize