3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, beer. Big fan.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
