The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
