Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i love accidental penises.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
