Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
