And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
