She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
