I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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