and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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